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The Divorce That God Hates

June 21, 20255 min read

“If I walk away from this marriage, will God be disappointed in me?”

If you’ve ever asked that question, you’re not alone. I did too. I wasn’t afraid of being alone. I wasn’t even afraid of the abuse. What I feared most was the thought of letting God down. Failing Him. Disappointing Him. I stayed far longer than I should have — not because I didn’t see the truth — but because I thought leaving meant I was stepping outside of God’s will.

But deep down, I knew:
If I stayed, I would never become who He created me to be.
I would never fulfill my calling.
I would only serve as a placeholder — a title, a role, a “wife” to someone who did not love me in action or in truth.

There were words, of course — lavish declarations and dramatic affection — but they were hollow. The actions were cruel. The manipulation, relentless. The abuse created a fog that clouded everything. And still, my love for God and my fear of disappointing Him kept me tethered to a marriage that was destroying me.

What I didn’t understand then is something I want you to know now:

Divorce doesn’t happen in a courtroom.
The paperwork? It’s just a boundary — a declaration that you’ve exhausted every possible effort to protect the sacred heart and soul God gave you.

You’ve read the books.
You’ve gone to counseling.
You’ve taken responsibility.
You’ve prayed, pleaded, stayed.

And still — it didn’t change. The suffering only grew louder, and the best parts of you began to fade.

And yet, too often, the Church responds to this suffering with silence — or worse, shame.

We throw around the word “covenant” without context or compassion. We dismiss deep wounds with shallow platitudes. It’s time we speak with both truth and tenderness.

So let’s ask the hard question:

What does the Bible really say about divorce?

Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). God’s design was always for a covenant that is loving, honoring, sacrificial, and enduring.

But Jesus also acknowledged the brokenness of humanity. In Matthew 19, He referenced Moses’ allowance for divorce — not as God’s desire, but as a concession for hardened hearts. Divorce wasn’t encouraged. But it was permitted.

Yes, Malachi 2:16 says God hates divorce. But what kind of divorce?

God hates the betrayal.
God hates the abuse.
God hates the breaking of covenant through repeated harm, unrepentant sin, and the desecration of love.

He does not hate the hurting.
He draws near to them.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”(Psalm 34:18).

Scripture offers two clear biblical grounds for divorce:

  • Sexual immorality“Except for sexual immorality…” (Matt. 5:32; 19:9)

  • Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse“Let them leave… God has called you to live in peace.” (1 Cor. 7:15)

But what about abuse?

While the Bible may not name abuse as a formal ground for divorce, it speaks volumes about justice, protection of the vulnerable, and confronting evil. Abuse is abandonment. It severs covenant, destroys safety, and annihilates trust. It is the divorce that God hates — the one that happens long before a legal document is ever signed.

And we must name it.

This doesn’t mean every disagreement or difficult season in marriage justifies separation. Marriage is meant to refine us. To challenge and change us. But there is a vast difference between a hard marriage and a harmful one.

Years of emotional neglect, psychological manipulation, spiritual control, or chronic disrespect are not what God had in mind when He spoke of hope and a future. He never asked you to sacrifice your soul on the altar of appearances. He never asked you to stay and be destroyed in the name of love.

It’s time for the Church to understand and respond:

  • Verbal abuse shreds dignity

  • Spiritual manipulation twists truth into control

  • Financial control becomes a prison

  • Neglect and abandonment can exist even when someone is physically present

We need to stop confusing silence with righteousness and start calling darkness what it is.

Because if the Church won’t listen to the bruised, the silenced, the emotionally battered — then who will?

To the woman afraid to speak, to the one drowning in shame, to the one wondering if God is still with her:

He is.
He is with you.
He sees you.
He hears the cries no one else hears.
And He is not disappointed in you.

The gospel is not for those who have held it all together — it is for those of us who have fallen apart and need a Savior to rebuild, restore, and renew.

So may we finally draw a line between harmful marriages and holy ones. May we stop minimizing trauma in the name of theology. May we start teaching what love really is — so that the next generation doesn’t have to unlearn it the hard way.

I wrote this as part of my journey not just to heal — but to help others find language for what they’ve endured, too. I’m currently raising funds to continue my fight for justice, healing, and protection — for myself and for my child.

If you’d like to support this mission, you can:

🕊️ Give a gift or buy me a coffee on Ko-fi:
👉 [Click here]

Every donation helps fund legal protection, advocacy work, and the continued writing and resources I’m creating for women walking through the valley of abuse and faith.

Thank you for standing with me. 💛
You are not alone — and neither am I.

Leona Grey

Leona Grey is a writer, advocate, and Christian mother who knows what it means to fight for peace in the aftermath of emotional abuse. Writing under a pen name to protect her child, Leona speaks openly about the hidden realities of covert abuse, the failures of family court, and the quiet courage it takes to keep going. Her words offer truth, validation, and hope to women navigating motherhood, faith, and survival. She writes to the woman holding it all together in silence—to remind her that she’s not alone, and that healing is holy work.

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