by: Leona Grey

For too long, women have been told to suffer in silence under the banner of “unity.”
To forgive without safety.
To submit without question.
To reconcile without justice.
And when the pain surfaces, we’re told it’s just a misunderstanding — just a conflict — just our pride.

But let’s tell the truth:

Abuse is not conflict.
And traditional models of Christian conflict resolution are not equipped to deal with it.

The Misuse of Conflict Resolution in the Church

There’s a growing trend of churches turning to conflict mediation ministries — often led by well-meaning leaders trained in evangelical systems — to “restore peace” when abuse is exposed.

But what they call peace is often just silencing the survivor.

These models assume both parties are contributing to the problem.
They call for mutual confession, quick forgiveness, and a return to relationship.
They discourage public disclosure — calling it gossip.
They pressure silence, submission, and reconciliation as spiritual obedience.

But here’s the thing:

You can’t mediate abuse. You confront it.

Conflict vs. Abuse: Know the Difference

• Conflict is a breakdown in communication between equals.

• Abuse is a violation of safety, a misuse of power, and a betrayal of trust.

Trying to apply “biblical peacemaking” to abuse is like putting a bandage on a bullet wound.
It doesn’t just fail — it causes more harm.

Real Stories, Real Damage

We’ve heard the stories —
The woman forced into counseling with her abusive husband “to work on the marriage.”
The church member who dared to speak up and was labeled divisive.
The survivor told to forgive quickly so the church could “move on.”
The victims asked to trust the very systems that failed to protect them.

This isn’t biblical restoration. It’s spiritual malpractice.

Jesus Didn’t Mediate Injustice. He Disrupted It.

Jesus didn’t pull the bleeding woman aside to make sure her cry for help was “balanced.”
He didn’t tell the Samaritan woman to reconcile with her past abusers.
He didn’t protect the religious elite when they twisted Scripture for power.
He flipped tables. He named sin. He made room for the broken.

Peace that requires your silence is not peace. It’s control.

A New Model: Trauma-Informed Reconciliation

As a church we need to build something different. At Silenced, Not Broken we believe:

• Survivors deserve to be believed and protected, not silenced and managed.

• Truth-telling is a holy act — not slander.

• Justice and healing are preconditions, not obstacles, to reconciliation.

• Boundaries are not bitterness.

• Forgiveness is not a performance.

• And Jesus always sides with the oppressed — not the image of the institution.

For Every Survivor Who’s Been Told to “Make Peace”

You are not crazy.
You are not divisive.
You are not rebellious.
You are brave.

Your voice matters. Your safety matters. And your healing is not secondary to anyone else’s comfort.

We are done pretending that silence is godliness.
We are done calling spiritual bypassing “wisdom.”
And we are done sacrificing daughters of God on the altar of institutional reputation.

The Church Was Meant to Be a Refuge. Let’s Make It One Again.

If you’ve been harmed by misuse of Scripture, systems that silenced you, or pressure to reconcile with an unrepentant abuser, you are not alone.

Follow along @Silenced_NotBroken as we build a safer way forward.
Because peace isn’t real until the oppressed are free.