Woman flying free

When Humility Is Misused: Reclaiming Philippians 2:3–8 for Women

July 10, 20253 min read

By Leona Grey

For years, I believed being a good Christian woman meant putting myself last.
I served until I was empty.
I quieted my needs, my voice, and my dreams.
I called it humility.
But in reality, I was disappearing.

Philippians 2:3–8 was often used to reinforce that belief. It was taught like a spiritual badge of honor — to be poured out constantly, joyfully, and without question.

But here’s the truth:
That’s not what Jesus asked of me. And it’s not what this passage means.

📖 Philippians 2:3–8 (NLT)

3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,
8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

Let’s take a closer look — through the eyes of a woman rediscovering her worth.

🔍 Breaking It Down, Woman to Woman

Verse 3: “Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”

This is not a command to think less of yourself.
It’s a warning against ego-driven self-promotion — not an invitation to disappear.

❌ This doesn’t mean: “Be a doormat.”
✅ It means: “Don’t live for applause. Stay grounded in love.”

Verse 4: “Don’t look out only for your own interests…”

Here’s the key word: only.

Paul assumes you’re taking care of yourself. That’s not selfish — it’s wise stewardship.
This is not a call to self-neglect, but a call to shared responsibility in community.

When I began waking up early, spending time with Jesus, eating a real breakfast, taking care of my body, and pursuing my calling, I wasn’t being selfish.
I was finally honoring the woman God made.

Verses 5–8: “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had…”

This is where people twist things.
They say, “See? Jesus emptied Himself. You should, too.”

But Jesus’ humility was voluntary, purposeful, and empowered.

He chose to lay down His life — once — for the sake of redemption.
He didn’t live in chronic self-abandonment.
He had boundaries. He rested. He withdrew. He said no.
He honored His mission.

✨ His humility didn’t erase His identity. It expressed it.

How This Passage Has Been Misused Against Women

In many churches, this Scripture is twisted into a script:

  • “Submit without question.”

  • “Serve without rest.”

  • “Forgive without accountability.”

  • “Support him — don’t speak up.”

But Philippians 2 was never about gender roles. It was never meant to create household hierarchies where women work and men rule.

It was a radical invitation to a Christlike mindset — for all believers.

A Sacred Reframing: What Philippians 2 Really Teaches

  • You are created in the image of God and worthy of care — including from yourself.

  • Humility doesn’t mean neglect. It means living with grounded love and purpose.

  • True Christlike service is mutual, not one-sided.

  • You are not called to be the voiceless helpmate, but a co-heir and co-laborer.

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
(v. 4, NLT)
That word too changes everything.

You Matter, Too.

You matter before you serve.
You are loved before you pour out.
Your calling is not a side note to someone else’s.
And your needs are not less spiritual than theirs.

When you began waking up and taking care of yourself — body, soul, and spirit — you weren’t “becoming selfish.”
You were coming back to life.

Let’s Stop Using Scripture to Erase Women

This passage has been weaponized to keep women quiet, small, and exhausted. But it is not a call to be used up. It is a call to live like Jesus — who loved fiercely, spoke boldly, and chose humility out of strength.

And that, dear sister, is what we’re reclaiming.

Leona Grey

Leona Grey is a writer, advocate, and Christian mother who knows what it means to fight for peace in the aftermath of emotional abuse. Writing under a pen name to protect her child, Leona speaks openly about the hidden realities of covert abuse, the failures of family court, and the quiet courage it takes to keep going. Her words offer truth, validation, and hope to women navigating motherhood, faith, and survival. She writes to the woman holding it all together in silence—to remind her that she’s not alone, and that healing is holy work.

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