When churches and courts demand visible wounds, survivors bleed in silence.
By Leona Grey

Too often, emotional and spiritual abuse in Christian marriages goes unrecognized because there are no bruises to prove it. This article exposes the invisible wounds that leave women shattered, unseen, and unsupported by the very institutions meant to protect them — churches and courts alike. If you’ve ever questioned whether abuse “counts” without physical violence, this is for you.

I will never forget that early spring morning when I begged my ex-husband to hit me.

It sounds unthinkable, doesn’t it?

But there I was, standing in the bathroom, humidity clinging to my skin, my face burning.
His fist hovered inches from my cheek — and in that moment, I wanted him to do it.
To hit me.
To leave a mark I could see and explain.
Because the wounds he carved into my soul every day felt endless and invisible.

“Hit me,” I whispered. “Dear God, please hit me. I would heal a thousand times faster. It would hurt so much less if your rage could land on my skin instead of my mind.”

I was deep in my third trimester.
He stood between me and the door.
There was no escape.

I can still feel the blood pounding in my ears, my heart screaming run — but there was nowhere to go.

And yet somehow, when his fist lowered and didn’t make contact with my skin, the abuse ceased to be “real.”

It hadn’t happened — at least not in a way I could explain to the pastor at church.

There was no bruise. No police report. No proof.

And without visible evidence, my abuser remained innocent in the eyes of others — while I became the problem.

Too emotional.
Too reactive.
Not respectful enough.
Not submissive enough.
Not Christian enough.

The damage was dismissed because it didn’t bleed.

But it broke me in ways no punch ever could.

Unfortunately, this is the problem in our churches.
This is the problem in our legal system.

This differentiation in abuse — this minimization of suffering simply because blood is not drawn — is what perpetuates the cycle.

If someone had a brain tumor, would the medical community treat it any less seriously than a massive, visible cancer on the outside of the body?
Of course not. The danger is the same — only hidden.

Would a jury find a killer who poisoned someone slowly over time less guilty than the one who slit a throat in plain sight?
Never. The outcome is still death.

And yet, we tolerate abuse that destroys from the inside.
We deny the trauma because it isn’t gory.
We excuse the abuser because his victim doesn’t have visible scars.

Meanwhile, women are walking around on life support — breathing, but not fully alive.

Their internal voice, their sense of self, their sanity, the God-given purpose for which they were created…
obliterated by years of slow, relentless poison.

It’s time to stop minimizing abuse just because she isn’t bleeding.
And it’s time to start offering the validation, protection, and compassionthat all abuse survivors deserve.

If you’ve lived this before, you are not alone.

Share this. Speak it. Name it.

And if you are a pastor, counselor, or friend —
if she has the courage to tell you what she’s walking through —
believe her before the bruises.

Let’s stop waiting for visible wounds to start shining a light and bringing healing to this issue.

About me:

Leona Grey is a survivor, mother, and advocate for women navigating the aftermath of emotional and spiritual abuse. Writing under a pen name to protect her child, she uses her voice to break silence, challenge broken systems, and guide others toward healing.

She is the author of Silenced, Not Broken, a memoir and movement for Christian mothers reclaiming their power after abuse.

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